Wedding Week Activities

Destination weddings are more than just a ceremony and a reception; they unfold over several days and can even be a week-long event. This is your chance to spend a lot of quality time with your loved ones, and you playing the "cruise director" helps get everyone together.

Having a ceremony and reception is a given, and you'll likely throw a rehearsal dinner for at least your wedding party, if not all of your guests. A welcome party is a great way to kick things off and to let everyone get to know each other, and a departure brunch is a nice way to bring closure to the weekend. You also might want to throw in some extracurricular activities: group outings, sightseeing, even morning yoga.

So how do you let everyone know what they're invited to do? For events that only a select few are invited to, such as a bridesmaids' luncheon, you'll want to send separate invitations, send an e-mail, or invite guests personally. Events that everyone is invited to can be listed on the RSVP card.

Remember: If you include an event on the invitation, you're saying that you're the host--in other words, you're paying for it. If it's an event that you're just organizing but not hosting, you can either add a price--like "Snorkeling expedition, $60 per person"--or just put that information on the Web site with a note in the invitation saying, "Check our Web site for additional wedding week activities."

Activities we love: Hiking, museum visit, breakfast, yoga, golfing, local tours, wine tasting, horseback riding, fishing, high tea, frisbee golf, spa day, kayaking, picnic, ping-pong tournament, sightseeing tour, garden tour, snorkeling, beach volleyball, barbecue, surfing lessons, trolley tour, boat trip, pub crawl, cooking class

Destination Weddings; The Ultimate Guide to Planning a Wedding from Afar

Are You Destined For A Destination Wedding?

As many of you know, Alison has written her first book published by Chronicle books. It is a how to guide on planning a wedding from afar and will be available for purchase in the next couple of weeks. You can pre-purchase the book via Amazon or go directly to the Chronicle web-site to get it. Over the next couple of weeks will be giving you a sneak peak to what is inside. So we thought we would start with a quiz to see if you are even destined to have a destination wedding! Let us know how you do:)

When it comes to travel:
a) I can take it or leave it; I usually just travel for work or fly home to visit my parents.
b) It’s a lot of trouble, but it’s almost always worth it.
c) I’ll go anywhere, anytime: What’s life if not an adventure?

When it comes to my wedding, I want:
a) Perfection over adventure; everything should go off without a hitch.
b) Something more unique, even if it means sacrificing control.
c) An event that people will remember forever—a real adventure!

When I picture who will be at my wedding:
a) It’s my special day, and I want to be surrounded by tons of friends, family, and co-workers.
b) I have a list of must-have guests, and the rest are just icing on the wedding cake.
c) I want a small, intimate wedding with a select group of people we’re closest to.

My family and my fiancé’s family:
a) Get along great and live in the same state or even town.
b) Have met before and live in the same approximate part of the country.
c) Don’t really know each other and live a million miles apart.

Which of the following describes your feelings:
a) It’s important to follow tradition if you want your wedding to be meaningful.
b) It’s important to strike the right balance of respecting tradition while doing your own thing.
c) It’s important to be unique if you want your wedding to be memorable.

I want my wedding to be:
a) A one- or two-day event where I can visit with people at the reception, then get on with my honeymoon.
b) A several-day event where I can have more than one opportunity to visit with my guests.
c) A group vacation where everyone can really get to know each other and I can spend quality time with everyone.

For my honeymoon, I’d rather:
a) Sneak away where no one has any idea where we are or how to find us.
b) Have the option of seeing other people if we want.
c) Hang out with my friends and family and still be able to sneak off at the end of the day.

My guest list is made up of people who:
a) Are elderly, don’t like to travel, are on a fixed income, and have to be there or my day will be ruined.
b) A lot of friends, but also a lot of people whose feelings I don’t want to hurt.
c) People who will come no matter where I have the wedding.

When things go wrong:
a) It ruins everything, including my day.
b) I’m pretty good at rolling with the punches.
c) I think, “This will make a great story someday!”


There are no right or wrong answers, but, generally speaking, if you have:

Mostly A’s:

Proceed with caution. Odds are, you’re inspired more by a particular location than just the idea of a destination wedding. To pull it off, you might have to make some sacrifices; this book can help you decide whether the rewards will outweigh the drawbacks.

Mostly B’s:

There’s a good chance you’ll love having a destination wedding. There might be a couple of trade-offs, but in the end, it will be absolutely worthwhile.


Mostly C’s:

Start packing! You’re the perfect candidate for a destination wedding!

BUY BOOK NOW!

Tips on tipping your vendors

No one ever expects a gratuity but they are a nice gesture if you want to recognize someone for doing an exceptionally good job, and they’re especially nice if the vendor went above and beyond what you negotiated.

Since gratuities are optional, there’s no rule of thumb on how much they should be; they can range anywhere from 5 to 20 percent or $25-$2000. it can even can take the form of a thank-you gift, such as a gift certificate for a massage or a nice bottle of wine. Consider the overall budget of your wedding, how much the vendor exceeded your expectations, and what amount you would be excited to get if you were them. If you decide to give a gratuity in monetary value, it's always appreciated if you give gratuities in cash or in the currency where you are getting married vs a check. Cash is more personal and the vendor is not then taxed on it ( which is 30% of the tip amount- going to uncle sam).



If you do choose to give a gratuity, be sure to specify whom it is for. You might want it all to go to the owner of the catering business because they didn't charge overtime for their bartender or worked exceptionally hard at getting you items that were out of season or incorporated an old family recipe, or you might want it to be divided among the wait staff but with an extra $20 for the server who ran to the store to pick up ice. For the catering staff, check your contract first to see if your fee includes a service charge, which could be 15 to 20 percent. If it does, find out from the sales manager if it goes toward staff gratuities, or if it’s just going to the office. If it does go to the event staff, no extra tip is necessary.

If you’re feeling simultaneously appreciative and strapped for cash, writing a nice thank-you note to vendors can reiterate how happy you were with their services, and they can use it in their portfolio or on their Web site.

Choosing the right photographer.....

The flowers will wilt, the band will be no more than a tune you hum in your head, and the wedding cake will be digested before your guests even board their return flights. But your wedding photos will always stay with you.

Of course you’ll want a photographer you can relate to. But the most important thing is that you like what you see in their portfolio. Avoid photographers whose subjects seem overly posed or who specialize in trite, staged shots. (In other words, if their portfolio includes a picture of a dad with his empty pockets turned out, run.) Look for a style that matches your own, whether it’s spontaneous and informal, or stately and dignified.

As with all vendors, it’s cheaper to hire a local photographer, since bringing someone in would mean paying all their travel expenses. However, the more remote your location, the harder it might be to find the talent you’re looking for. The other thing to keep in mind is that you’ll have to get the images shipped to you, and in some situations it can be a leap of faith to assume those images will actually show up.
Worksheet for choosing a photographer

• What are your package options?
• What do you charge?
• How many hours does that cover?
• What is your overtime rate?
• Does your fee cover just the shooting, or does it include prints?
• Do you shoot film, or digital?
• Do you print on matte paper, glossy paper, or both?
• How many weddings do you do in a weekend?
• Do you have an assistant who works in the office who can handle questions when you're not there?
• Have you ever shot a wedding at my venue?
• Will you require travel expenses for my location?
• Can you provide online posting?
• Can I get the negatives or a CD with high-resolution images?

Traditional photographers often have checklists of shots to cover, but if you are going for a more spontaneous feel, ask yourself what things you would like documented throughout the course of your day and which you don’t care as much about. Also think about what shots you want for your album and what you want to frame or have blown up.

What's Your Style?

WHAT TO WEAR

Your Wedding Dress

Maybe you’ve always dreamed of exactly how it would look. Maybe you have no idea. Of course you want it to be a reflection of you. But with a destination wedding, it’s important that it’s also a reflection of your destination. A ballroom gown won’t work at the beach, and a casual, barefoot look will be a disconnect if you get married in a castle.

When shopping for dresses, tell the salespeople where you’re getting married and bring photos of your venue, if you have them, so they can help you find the perfect match. Also come prepared by looking through magazines and tearing out your favorite designs.

Definitely keep the climate in mind. If it’s a cold climate, find a pretty wrap or furry shawl to keep you toasty, or if it’s a warm locale, go with something more minimal and sleeveless. If your locale is super casual, feel free to just wear a flattering dress that may or may not be white. Or, heck, wear a white bikini with a sarong and hop in the ocean afterward—it’s your choice!

•Not only does your dress not have to be a dress, it doesn’t have to be white, either. Champagne, rose, or light slate gray are all nice, nontraditional choices.
•Whether or not to wear a veil is a purely personal preference, but fewer and fewer women are choosing to. The ones who do usually wear it more as a decorative hairpiece rather than having it cover their face.
•Skip the heels if you’re getting married on the beach; you might want to wear nothing on your feet but a nice pedicure, and your fiancé could opt for flip-flops.
•Wear sexy heels if you’re short (and on solid ground), or try ballet flats if you’re taller than your fiancé.
•Put things in unexpected places: Adorn your bouquet with jewelry or wear flowers in your hair.

Site Visits 101

So we have talked about factoring the site visit into your budget, so this week, I thought I'd talk a little bit more about what they are and why they're so important.

A site visit is your chance to see the venue where you're getting married, interview vendors in person, and scout hotels where you're going to send all your trusting guests.

When the budget starts getting stretched thin and couples are trying to cut back, a lot of brides ask me if they can't just skip the site visit. But if you want to make sure everything goes off without a hitch, there's just no getting around it. It's worth the investment, if for no other reason than to avoid being horribly disappointed that something wasn't what you imagined.

Finding the right venue is the most important task. Even if you see a place on the internet that looks gorgeous, no amount of PR photos can help you visualize it like actually being there can. You have to make sure there aren't any surprises, like a funny smell coming from the fertilizer plant down the road or the constant sound of jackhammers coming from a construction site next door.

You'll also want to meet with your vendors to make sure that they're professional, courteous and talented, and that they don't just have a really nice website. I'll be talking about the site visit more in weeks to come, so check back to find out more!

Writing Your Own Vows

Want something a little more personal than the standard (and outdated) promise to "love, honor and obey"? Couples who have a nontraditional wedding usually decide that nontraditional vows are in order, as well. Plus, writing your vows adds a nice, personal touch to the ceremony. Here are some tips for penning the perfect vows:

• If you’re having a religious ceremony, talk to your officiant to see if there are any rules or restrictions you should be aware of.
  
• Decide whether you want to sit down together and write one set of vows that you’ll both say, or work separately to create different vows.
  
• Traditional vows can be a great place to start. Look for a structure you like, then add the personal touches that make them your own.
  
• There are lots of great examples of wedding vows in books and on the Internet that you can use as inspiration. Feel free to borrow wordings or structures that you like.
  
• Be personal but not too personal, and avoid being cutesy or suggestive. Picture watching the videotape of your wedding on your five- or ten-year anniversary (perhaps alongside your children!). Will you be embarrassed or proud?
  
• Try reading your vows out loud. You can also tape record them and listen to them played back. This will give you a better idea of how your words will come across than reading them on paper will.
  
• Make sure there are no awkward sentences you’ll stumble over on your big day; if you’re having difficulty with a particular passage, edit it for readability.
  
• Practice your vows, but think twice about trying to memorize them. Vows are something you don’t want to blank out on. Either read them from a slip of paper or repeat them after your officiant.
  
  
  

Setting Your Budget

When it comes to figuring out your wedding budget, there’s no one magical formula. Despite staggering figures that grow every year, your budget should be based on what’s comfortable for you, rather than what you’ve heard is the average cost of a wedding. The figure will likely end in the word “thousands,” but can start with a two, a twenty, or a two hundred. The answer lies somewhere between what you want to spend and what you can actually afford to spend.

Don’t base your budget on figuring out how much your dream wedding will cost then figuring out how to finance it. If you start with what your wedding could cost, you could easily end up trying to live some impossible expectations (“But I really don’t think our marriage will be successful if we don’t serve caviar at the reception!”).
You’ll either have to scale back, in which case the reality will never live up to the fabulousness of your original plan. Or you’ll stretch yourself thin trying to make it work, charging things you really can’t afford that will seem really frivolous later when you’re trying to buy a house.

Instead, start by figuring out what you have to spend and then allocating it properly. Add up what your parents can contribute, and possibly what your grandparents can contribute (if they’ve offered). Then see what you’ve got in savings. Stretching a little is okay, but when it starts to seem uncomfortable, stop. And while a little credit card debt can seem like a small thing in exchange for your dream wedding, you will likely not feel that way six months after the wedding when you’re trying to pay for real-life items like groceries and gasoline.

Oh, and don’t get caught up in the old etiquette rules about who pays for what. Chances are good that the money for your wedding is coming from a variety of sources—including your own joint savings— so come up with a lump sum, then figure out how best to throw your wedding weekend within that budget. It’s more appropriate for a destination wedding, and, besides: It’s easier!

Wedding Beauty: Hire a Pro? Or Do It Yourself?

Sure, doing your own makeup is easy: You do it every day. But if the budget allows, having someone come in and make you look movie-star fabulous is a great way to pamper yourself. Of course, depending on your destination, it might be difficult to find a makeup artist. In New York, it won’t be a problem, but in a small coastal village in Mexico, it might. Your wedding planner can help you find somebody, or you can also ask for recommendations from other vendors.

Just make sure to have your makeup artist do a trial run the first day you arrive to make sure you like the look your makeup artist creates for you. Two hours before the wedding is not a time for experimenting!

If putting your face in someone else’s hands is too nerve-wracking, a great option for DIYers is to get your makeup done back home and learn how to duplicate the look once you’ve reached your destination. The best place to start is the department store makeup counter or specialty shop of your favorite brand of cosmetics: They’ll have everything you need available for purchase, and many of them will do your makeup for free or apply their fee toward product purchases. (Don’t be nervous if you usually do your beauty shopping in the drugstore; this is their job!)

You can also hire a professional makeup artist, who might be able to teach you some great tips and tricks, but they might not have everything you need available to purchase. Since they’re working for a fee, rather than on commission, they’re more likely to give you their undivided attention and be willing to spend more time with you.

Either way, have your makeup artist show you step by step what to do. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and make sure you’ll know what to do on your own. You might even have him or her do one side of your face and you try doing the other yourself under their guidance. Ask for a face chart to use as your guide you so you can achieve the same look on your own.

Beauty Essentials Checklist

Getting ready to pack? Don't forget your makeup! Here are all the beauty essentials you'll want to have on hand for your wedding day:

Moisturizer. Something light if you’re in a warm client, a little thicker if you’re in a cold climate.

Toner or anti-shine. If you have oily skin, apply it under your moisturizer to cut down on shine.

Foundation. Something light and smooth that will enhance your skin tones.

Blusher or bronzer. You’ll be glowing already, but this will add to it.

Loose powder. Use it for setting the foundation and finishing your look.

Eyeliner. Can be liquid, pencil, or powder.

Waterproof mascara. A bride or two has been known to cry...

Eye shadow. Usually two or three shades for depth and drama.

Tweezers. Good to have on hand for last-minute touchups.

Kiss-proof lipstick. There will be kissing; make sure your groom isn’t wearing your color.

Lip gloss. Don’t overdo it; too much shine won’t look good in pictures.

Spray-on tan. For an extra glow that starts even before the wedding.

Hair-styling products. Gel, mousse, pomade—whatever gets your hair prepared.

Hair spray. For setting or touchups.

Hair appliances. Hair dryer, curling iron, rollers, or flat iron. (Don’t forget to pack an electrical adaptor if you’re headed to a foreign land.)

If your location is hot or humid, add:

Blotting paper (this will keep you from looking shiny)

SPF 40 sunblock

Flat iron if your hair tends to frizz in the humidity

Wedding Beauty: Consider the Climate

Whatever your beauty regimen is at home, you might have special needs depending on your destination. You may have to deal with frizzy, flat, or staticky hair, so bring whatever products will help tame your hair’s natural tendencies. If it’s hot, you could end up with a shiny face in all of your photos, so come prepared with blotting paper. If the climate is cold, you could have to contend with dry skin or chapped lips, so stock up on moisturizer and lip balm and apply generously from the moment you arrive. And don’t forget the sunblock: You’re likely to spend a lot more time outside, and you don’t want to be unnaturally pink on your wedding day. For either climate, don’t forget to drink plenty of water to stay hydrated!

Setting the date

There are lots of factors to consider in setting a wedding date, and you may already have some choices narrowed down. But when you're planning a destination wedding, there are a few things that you should take into consideration before you make your final decision.

For one thing, you’ll want to take into account the high season and low season of your chosen destination. The weather is almost always better in the high season, but that can also mean more crowds and greater expense.

Some people think holidays are an ideal time to throw a destination wedding. But consider this: You and everyone who attends your wedding will be competing with hundreds of other travelers. Airfare will be higher, rooms will be harder to come by, and every place you go will be crawling with tourists. Plus, vendors are more expensive on holidays, as well.

You should find out which weekends your chosen wedding venue is available. Also find out if there are any big events going on that weekend. You’ll want to know if the Blue Angels will be doing an air show during your wedding. And it will definitely affect things if the whole town will be closing down to attend an annual festival that weekend.

One last thing to consider? If a family member or close friend is pregnant, you’ll want to steer clear of her due date and maybe even her last trimester, when she might not be able to fly. And if there are friends or family members that you can't imagine not being there, narrow your choices to a couple of dates and then check with them to make sure there aren't any conflicts.

HINT: If you can choose a date that's a full moon, any outdoor setting will be extra romantic.

Budgeting for a Destination Wedding

In any wedding workbook, you'll find a budget page where you plan for all the standard wedding expenses (like your dress, your flowers and all that food you'll be serving to your guests). But what if you're having a destination wedding? Below are some costs that are specific to destination weddings that aren't usually mentioned in standard wedding budgets:

• Site visit. You’ll want to visit your destination at least once to check out venues and meet with potential vendors.
  
  
  
  
• Wedding travel. Includes airfare, accommodations, car rental, and meals and entertainment.
  
  
  
  
• Flying in vendors or officiant. If you hire someone who doesn't live in your destination, you’ll be expected to pay their airfare, accommodations, local travel expenses, and per diem.
  
  
  
  
• Group activities. You'll probably be hosting other events over the weekend, such as a welcome party, rehearsal dinner, and/or departure brunch.
  
  
  
  
• Subsidizing expenses. You might choose to help out with other people’s travel expenses or offer to pay for their bridesmaids’ dresses.
  
  
  
  
• Shipping. Leave a little room in the budget for sending programs, signage, linens, or other items to your destination.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Destination Site Visit: One site visit? Or two?

Site visits can be exhausting (even when you've got a wedding planner like me there to hold your hand!) and the best thing you can do for yourself is be organized and allow plenty of time.

In a perfect world, you’d be able to visit your destination twice before the wedding: once to scout sites and a second time to finalize contracts. Breaking your site visit into two trips can save you lots of stress. You can enjoy a more leisurely pace and make sure every last detail is attended to. You’ll also see things and smell things and experience things differently on a second visit.

However, if you’ve been there before, already have a venue chosen, and have each vendor narrowed down to just a couple of choices, one visit could suffice. And if you don’t have the time or budget for two separate visits, just make sure your one trip counts by allowing enough time to pack everything in.

The important thing is to not end up feeling rushed. When you’re tired, frazzled, and short on time, you’re more likely to make a rash decision just to get it over with. And if you can afford to allow extra time to explore and let things happen organically, all the better. You can plan all day long, but you can’t plan making a wrong turn only to discover the most amazing sushi restaurant ever.

You should allow at least four full days (not including travel) to work everything in—whether it’s all in one trip or broken into two trips.

Allow extra time if:
... you’re traveling abroad.
... you’ve never been there before.
... you don’t speak the language.
... a lot of travel time will be required between vendors and venues.
... you have an extensive list of vendors to check out.

You can cut corners if:
... it’s a location you’re well familiar with.
... you already have your venue chosen.
... you have everything narrowed down to one or two choices.
... it’s a tiny village where you can easily walk to everything.
... you’re absolutely willing to be happy no matter what.

Are you destined for a destination wedding?

By the time a bride-to-be calls us, chances are she's already decided on a destination wedding.  But what if you're not sure?  Some people want a traditional hometown wedding;  some people want an exotic, unique wedding;  but lots of people are in between and could go either way.  Here are a few things to think about to decide if a destination wedding is for you.

A destination wedding is most ideal for the couple who loves to travel, has a sense of adventure, and wants to do things their own way.  If a cookie-cutter wedding just won't cut it, a destination wedding allows you to toss the rule books and not worry about other people's expectations.  By doing so, your wedding is much more likely to be unique, memorable, and a true reflection of who you are as a couple.

Another thing to think about is that at a traditional wedding, you might only get to spend a few minutes with each guest.  But destination weddings usually unfold over several days--sometimes even as much as a week--giving you a chance to really spend time with the people you love.  Everyone is more relaxed, nobody has to feel like they have to entertain or play host, and your friends and family will all get a chance to get to know each other.

But not everybody is cut out for a destination wedding.  If you prefer perfection over adventure, and won't be happy unless the wedding goes off without a hitch, then you might prefer planning something closer to home where nothing is left to chance.  However, if you're willing to have your wedding be an adventure, you can guarantee that it will be an amazing memory for you and your guests.